The Enduring Wisdom of Biblical Friendship
Pastor Tim highlights five key characteristics of deep, biblical friendships as described in Proverbs: they foster wisdom by associating with the wise, they endure through adversity, they are faithful and steadfast, they offer proximate support during difficult times, and they involve honest, constructive feedback given with love, even when it's difficult.
Deep Dive podcast
A Deep Dive into Proverbs on Friendship
Study Guide
This study guide is designed to help you review and deepen your understanding of Pastor Tim's sermon on friendship from the book of Proverbs. It covers the introductory remarks on the nature of friendship, the five key truths derived from Proverbs, and their practical applications.
I. Introduction to Friendship (00:00:22:06 - 00:05:42:22)
A. Core Principles of Friendship:Time and Effort: Good friendships require investment, challenging the instant gratification culture. Community is built, not merely found.
Beyond the Spouse: While a spouse can be a best friend, the importance of additional friendships is emphasized.
Reciprocity: The challenge to not only seek good friends but to be a good friend, recognizing that effort often elicits similar effort from others.
Jesus as the Best Friend:The foundational role of a relationship with Jesus in shaping and enhancing all other friendships.
Ray Auckland's commentary: Wisdom in friendship begins with God.
John 15:15: Jesus calls us friends, a higher honor than being called servants in the Old Testament (e.g., Moses).
God's initiative: Befriending us and drawing others into friendship through the Gospel.
Being grounded in Christ: Frees individuals from radical dependence on others, allowing them to weather relational storms and focus on being a good friend rather than getting something.
II. Five Truths from the Book of Proverbs on Friendship
A. Truth 1: Deep Friendships Make You Wise (Proverbs 13:20) (00:05:42:24 - 00:10:49:04)
Key Verse: "He who walks with the wise will be wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm."
Explanation:Spending time ("walks with") wise friends leads to wisdom; conversely, associating with fools leads to foolishness.
Wisdom is "caught," not just taught, through consistent interaction.
Impact of foolish associations: Even without directly perpetuating harm, being in foolish circles can lead to negative consequences (e.g., judicial system parallels, as seen in the story of a young man who lost his life).
Peer Pressure: It's a real phenomenon that affects all ages, not just teenagers.
Application: Choose wise friends; be aware of the influence of your closest companions.
B. Truth 2: True Deep Friendships Stick Around When Life Gets Hard (Proverbs 17:17) (00:10:49:07 - 00:14:09:09)
Key Verse: "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Explanation:Friends are present in both good times and bad.
Rejection of "fair-weather friends" who abandon you during difficulties.
Biblical call to "bear one another's burdens."
Illustrative Example: Pastor Tim's friend Nathan visiting him in the cardiac unit.
Application: Be that type of friend; seek those types of friends.
C. Truth 3: Deep Friends Are Faithful (Proverbs 20:6) (00:14:09:12 - 00:14:58:09)
Key Verse: "Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?"
Explanation:True friends demonstrate their faithfulness through actions, not just words.
They stick with you through hard times and good times.
Correction: A true friend may offer challenging correction without bailing on the relationship, waiting for reconciliation.
Mentorship Analogy: Faithful mentors understand that those they mentor will make foolish decisions and stick with them through those choices.
Application: Be a faithful friend, even when others make unwise choices; seek friends who exhibit this steadfastness.
D. Truth 4: Deep Friendships Should Be Close By (Proverbs 27:10) (00:16:45:04 - 00:19:10:22)
Key Verse: "Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your father's, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity."
Explanation:The proverb implies that in times of calamity, immediate physical presence is invaluable, as family may be distant.
While modern technology (FaceTime, Zoom, text) allows for connection over distance, physical presence offers a unique comfort and support that digital interaction cannot fully replicate.
Corporeal Beings: Humans are designed for physical interaction and presence.
Application: Prioritize building friendships with people who are geographically close; be available physically to support friends in need.
E. Truth 5: Deep Friendships Are Willing to Wound and Be Wounded (Proverbs 27:5-6) (00:19:10:24 - 00:25:00:25)
Key Verse: "Better is an open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies his."
Explanation:Hidden Love vs. Open Rebuke: "Hidden love" is meaningless if not expressed; an "open rebuke" (a difficult truth spoken directly) is preferable.
Trusting Wounds: Wounds from a friend are trustworthy because they are delivered with the goal of improvement and out of genuine love.
Jesus and Peter: Jesus' threefold questioning of Peter's love after his denials serves as a "wound" that leads to Peter's restoration and call to ministry.
Distinction from Harmful Criticism: Wounding a friend must be done "well"—with precision (a scalpel for spiritual surgery) and love, not with a "battle ax." It's not an excuse for harsh or unkind words.
Application: Be a friend who is willing to deliver challenging truths lovingly; be open to receiving such truths from trusted friends.
III. Conclusion and Encouragement (00:25:00:27 - 00:26:37:02)
Building Future Friendships: Growing to be a better friend prepares one for future, deeper relationships.
God's Role: God can restore friendships, build you to be a better friend, or bring new, closest friends into your life.
Action Step: Thank a "Proverbs type of friend" for their presence and influence.
Quiz
Instructions: Answer each question in 2-3 sentences.
According to Pastor Tim, what are two reasons why friendship takes time and effort?
Beyond one's spouse, why does Pastor Tim suggest that additional friendships are needed?
How does the sermon use the idea of "community is built, not found" to illustrate a point about friendship?
According to the sermon, how does being "grounded in our identity and our friendship in Christ" impact other friendships?
Proverbs 13:20 states, "He who walks with the wise will be wise." Explain what "walks with" implies in this context regarding time and influence.
What is the main message of Proverbs 17:17, and how does Pastor Tim illustrate this with a personal anecdote?
How does the sermon differentiate between someone who "proclaims his own steadfast love" and a "faithful man" in the context of friendship, according to Proverbs 20:6?
In Proverbs 27:10, what is the implied reason for not going to your brother's house "in the day of your calamity," and how does this relate to local friendships?
Explain the meaning of "better is an open rebuke than hidden love" from Proverbs 27:5.
How does Pastor Tim distinguish between a "wound from a friend" that "can be trusted" and unkind criticism?
Answer Key
Friendship takes time and effort because we live in an instant gratification culture where people often expect immediate results. Additionally, building relationships doesn't happen overnight; it requires consistent work and mutual investment.
Pastor Tim encourages additional friendships beyond a spouse to prevent radical dependence on one person. While a spouse can be a best friend, having other close friends provides broader support and enriches one's life.
The phrase "community is built, not found" emphasizes that meaningful relationships aren't simply discovered; they require intentional effort from all parties. It counters the passive expectation of stumbling upon ready-made friendships and highlights the need for active participation in their creation.
Being grounded in Christ frees individuals from expecting others to "complete" them, allowing them to weather relational storms without being destroyed when friends fall short. This grounding also encourages a mindset of "how can I be a good friend" rather than "who can give to me."
"Walks with" implies consistent, sustained interaction over time, not just a brief encounter. This suggests that wisdom is "caught" through prolonged exposure and influence, gradually shaping one's own life and choices.
The main message of Proverbs 17:17 is that true friends "love at all times" and are present "for adversity," meaning they stick around when life gets hard. Pastor Tim illustrates this with the story of his friend Nathan visiting him in the hospital during a health scare.
Proverbs 20:6 suggests that many people might verbally declare their loyalty, but a "faithful man" is rare because true faithfulness is demonstrated through consistent action and sticking with friends, especially through challenges. It differentiates between mere proclamation and genuine steadfastness.
The implied reason in Proverbs 27:10 is that family (like a brother) might live far away, making it difficult for them to be physically present and immediately helpful during a crisis. This emphasizes the value of having close, local friends who can offer tangible, immediate support.
"Better is an open rebuke than hidden love" means that an honest, even painful, correction from a friend is more valuable and loving than unspoken, ineffective affection. Hidden love is rendered pointless if it doesn't manifest in actions, including challenging truths for one's good.
Pastor Tim distinguishes by stating that a trusted wound is delivered with the goal of making the friend better, like "spiritual surgery with a scalpel." Unkind criticism, however, is compared to "hacking them to death with a battle ax," implying it's done without love, precision, or the friend's best interest at heart.
Essay Questions
Discuss how Pastor Tim uses the concept of Jesus as the "best friend" to reframe and strengthen an individual's approach to human friendships. How does this grounding in Christ enable healthier relational dynamics?
Analyze the sermon's emphasis on reciprocity in friendship. Using examples from the five truths, explain how the call to "be that type of friend" is as important as "looking for those types of friends."
Choose two of the five truths from Proverbs discussed in the sermon and elaborate on their practical implications for building and maintaining deep, healthy friendships in contemporary society. Provide specific examples of how these truths might be applied or challenged today.
The sermon argues that friendship takes "time and effort" and that "community is built, not found." Discuss how these foundational principles connect with the specific characteristics of friendship derived from the Proverbs (e.g., sticking through adversity, faithfulness, proximity, open rebuke).
Examine the tension between the modern ability to connect with friends over distance (FaceTime, Zoom) and the biblical emphasis on physical proximity in friendship as presented in the sermon. How does Pastor Tim navigate this tension, and what key aspects of physical presence does he highlight as irreplaceable?
Glossary of Key Terms
Adversity: Difficulties; misfortune; a challenging or trying situation. (Used in Proverbs 17:17: "A brother is born for adversity.")
Battle Ax: A heavy, broad-bladed ax used in ancient warfare. In the sermon, it's used metaphorically to describe harsh, destructive criticism, in contrast to the precise "scalpel" of loving rebuke.
Calamity: An event causing great and often sudden damage or distress; a disaster. (Used in Proverbs 27:10, referring to tough times when friends are needed.)
CPK (Creatine Phosphokinase): An enzyme found in the heart, brain, skeletal muscle, and other tissues. Elevated levels can indicate muscle damage. (Pastor Tim's personal anecdote.)
Corporeal Beings: Refers to humans as having a physical body, emphasizing the importance of physical presence and interaction.
Fair-Weather Friends: Friends who are present and supportive only when conditions are favorable or easy, but disappear when difficulties arise.
Faithful: Steadfast in affection or allegiance; loyal; trustworthy. (Describing a key characteristic of deep friendships from Proverbs 20:6.)
Fool/Foolishness: In the context of Proverbs, often refers to someone lacking wisdom, acting impulsively, or making unwise choices that lead to negative consequences.
Grounded in Christ: A theological concept referring to a person whose identity, security, and well-being are firmly established in their relationship with Jesus Christ.
Hidden Love: Love that is unexpressed or unmanifested; in the sermon, it's considered pointless because it doesn't translate into action or direct communication, especially when a friend needs a challenging truth.
Instant Gratification Culture: A societal characteristic where people expect immediate satisfaction of desires and needs, often leading to impatience with processes that require time and effort.
Mentor/Mentorship: An experienced and trusted adviser (mentor) who guides and supports a less experienced person (mentee) in their development. The sermon uses this to illustrate the faithfulness of friends who stick with others through their mistakes.
Open Rebuke: Direct, honest, and sometimes confrontational criticism or correction from a friend, delivered for the purpose of the other person's growth and well-being.
Peer Pressure: Influence from members of one's peer group. The sermon notes that this is real for adults as well as teenagers.
Proverbs: A book in the Old Testament of the Bible containing wise sayings, moral instructions, and observations on life. The sermon focuses on its teachings about friendship.
Reciprocity: The practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit; in friendship, it refers to the idea that effort and characteristics should be mutual (e.g., giving and receiving support).
Scalpel: A small, extremely sharp-bladed instrument used for surgery. In the sermon, it's a metaphor for delivering a "wound from a friend" with precision, care, and a healing intent.
Servant of the Lord: An honorable title in the Old Testament for those who faithfully served God (e.g., Moses, the prophets). The sermon notes that being called a "friend" by Jesus is an even higher honor.
Steadfast Love: Firmly fixed in place; unwavering and constant affection or loyalty. (Used in Proverbs 20:6: "Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love...")
Wounds from a friend: Difficult or painful truths spoken by a friend that are intended for one's good and can be trusted because they come from a place of love and concern.
Wisdom: The quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment; in Proverbs, it often refers to living skillfully and righteously according to God's principles.
